My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
