Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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