My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dick very happy bro
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
