All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
