If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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