i just wanna soil my oats bro
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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