you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
