It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
