I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
