It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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