dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
