Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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