Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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