Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
