I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
