it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my liver is dry heaving
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
