how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
