So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
