we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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