I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
