i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
