I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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