actually, I'm a sock model
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
