im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize