I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
