You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
