Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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