Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I fill condoms, not promises.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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