Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
