i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
