All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
