I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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