Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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