It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
