I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
