Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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