First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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