I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
