i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
