So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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