she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
