I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
