I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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