The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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