I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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