She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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