it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
