I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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