I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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