i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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