Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
