i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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