singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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