i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
