I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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