last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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