I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I want a musical about memes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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