i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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