You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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