She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
