Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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