I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
