dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
